I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
