i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
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DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
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I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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