Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
