Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
