R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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