i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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