i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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