why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
They should really pass out barf bags in church
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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