The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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