Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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