my vag is so smooth its legendary
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
