My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize