saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
