1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I think i got beer on your cat.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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