By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
