Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
