I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
whose parrot is this?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
