I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
