I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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