He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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