We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I wish you could order shots online.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Randomize
