It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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