Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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