I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
