sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
