we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
