she woke up with a sticky ear
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
