Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
