my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
