Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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