guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
