I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
