Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
