Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY