Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.