Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum