pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"