Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
This is sufficient.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.