peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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