He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Welp...herpes.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
