he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
