i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
