there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You smell like a Billy Joel song
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
