Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
