Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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