He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
