I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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