you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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