i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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