Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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