college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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