If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
