ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i will never coherently bang her
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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