Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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