like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
