got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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