I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
