census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I think i got beer on your cat.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
