u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
