I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
