Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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