In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Holy sore nipples Batman
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
