You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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