Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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