Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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