Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
