I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
there was a trapeze. enough said
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
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its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
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painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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