Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
