Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
