I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
