My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i love accidental penises.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
