He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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