the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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