I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
